Dumb Ass Of the Day:Is That A Lobster In Ur Pants, Or R U Just Happy To See Me?

NEW YORK - Maybe he was trying to beat the heat. A Brooklyn restaurant cook is accused of stealing frozen lobster tails by stuffing them down his pants.

The Brooklyn district attorney's office said Tuesday that Raymundo Flores has been arraigned on misdemeanor charges of petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property.

Co-workers called 911 on Sunday to report a crustacean caper at the walk-in freezer at Junior's Restaurant. Police say they found lobster tails that Flores allegedly had hidden in his pants and in bandages on his legs.

Flores, a Manhattan resident, has been freed without bail. He's due back in court on July 3.

The name of his attorney could not immediately be determined.

Dumbass of the Day-Fatty Does it again....Over Chicken Wings

Woman Says Joyriding Grandson, 7, Beat Her Up
Boy Taken For Mental Evaluation After Incident
UPDATED: 5:32 pm EDT May 13, 2008

LAKE PARK, Fla. -- A 7-year-old boy who took his grandmother's car on a joyride last month has been taken for a mental health evaluation after he allegedly beat her up inside a South Florida Wal-Mart, WPBF News 25 reported.

Latarian Milton told WPBF on April 28 that he took his grandmother's Dodge Durango on a joyride because he was mad at his mother and because he enjoyed doing "bad things."

"I wanted to do it because it's fun. It's fun to do bad things," Milton said. "I wanted to do hood-rat stuff for my friend."

Police said the boy and a friend drove several miles through Lake Park and Palm Beach Gardens on April 27 during rush hour before finally coming to a crashing halt.

Along the way, police said Milton ran over two mailboxes, hit two parked cars in a Costco parking lot and struck two moving cars near a Wal-Mart. Milton could have faced grand theft charges, but police said last week that they would not charge the boy.

Milton's grandmother, Vikkita Stratford, told WPBF that the 7-year-old took his mischievous activities to a new level Monday when she said he beat her up inside a Lake Park Wal-Mart.

According to Stratford, the problem began when Milton asked his grandmother for some chicken wings. When she refused, Milton walked over over to the counter and ordered them anyway.

Stratford said that when she confronted him about it, Milton just snapped.

"He just started hitting me -- just started hitting me in front of the whole Wal-Mart. Every one in there was upset," Stratford said.

Stratford told WPBF that Milton hit her stomach, legs and "wherever he could reach me."

Riviera Beach police picked up Milton from his home and took him to an area hospital for a mental health evaluation Monday afternoon, WPBF reported. The 7-year-old can be held for up to 72 hours while he is evaluated by mental health officials.

Stratford said that she believes Milton's problems are due to a bad atmosphere with his parents.

"I know what causes the behavior, cause all he's ever seen was his parents do physical and abusive and verbal things, and I don't want him to continue in this direction so I'm doing the best I can to get him the help," she told WPBF.

Stratford said that she is worried about what will happen once the 7-year-old is released from his evaluation. She also told WPBF that she is making sure that Milton won't have access to her rental car while her SUV is being repaired.

"When I first got the rental he said, 'Oh, you know, let me take this for a spin," Stratford said. "So now I just sleep with the keys. I lock them up."

Dumbass of the day: Inmate Files Restraining order against GTA

Inmate Files Restraining Order Against GTA
By Kris Graft

UPDATE - An inmate residing at the Federal Corrections Institute in Williamsburg County, S.C. has filed a handwritten complaint against parties including Take-Two and Rockstar Games, Next-Gen has found.

On April 9, inmate Jonathan Lee Riches, 31, filed a request for a temporary restraining order in a US District Court against Grand Theft Auto publisher Take-Two, developer Rockstar, FCI Williamsburg and "Grand Theft Auto" itself, claiming that the defendants "put me in prison."

Riches, who's incarcerated for wire fraud, wrote in his filing that he seeks a temporary restraining order against the "newest Grand Theft Auto games."

The inmate stated, "Defendants contributed to Plaintiff committing identity theft. Defendant's games show sex, drugs and violence which offends me."

Riches continued, "Defendants put me in prison. I face imminent danger from violent inmates who played Grand Theft Auto who will knock me out and take my gold Jesus cross."

FCI Williamsburg is a medium security prison that is currently home to 1,638 male inmates.

This isn't the first time that Riches has filed a lawsuit from prison. Riches sued suspended NFL quarterback Michael Vick last year for "$63,000,000,000 billion dollars," alleging Vick had ties to Al Qaeda. He didn't win. He's also unsuccessfully sued Martha Stuart, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, President George W. Bush, Steve Jobs and Britney Spears, according to cited entries on Wikipedia.

Riches, a.k.a. 40948-018, is projected to be released in 2012, according to the Federal Bureau of Prisons' inmate locator.

[UPDATE] Consumer site GameSpot has found that Riches is also suing Activision and Atari, making similar allegations that their games are a threat to his safety and well-being in prison.

Dumbass of the Day:Climbs outta van @55 MPR, then roams Nude on the Highway

Charges filed against man who walked naked along West Shore Bypass
4/30/2008 3:11:00 PM
Last Update: 5/02/2008 6:42:00 PM

Charges have been filed against the Reading man who walked naked along the West Shore Bypass after he was thrown from the roof of a minivan.

John W. Messerly, 38, of the 200 block of North Sixth Street had been in Berks County Prison since Friday without bail on allegations he violated his parole in an unrelated case.
Messerly was charged with risking a catastrophe and indecent exposure, open lewdness, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, driving while intoxicated, public drunkenness and other traffic violations.

Records indicate that Messerly had cocaine in his system when he was tested in the hospital. Police said Messerly was driving his employer’s minivan about 55 mph about 3 p.m. when he climbed out of the driver’s-side window, stood on the roof and was catapulted into the woods when the van crashed into a guide rail.

Police said he suffered a severe cut to his abdomen when he was thrown from the minivan into a wooded area along the highway, also known as Route 422.

Investigators said they still do not know why Messerly climbed out of the moving minivan.

In an interview with the Reading Eagle several days after the incident, Messerly denied climbing onto the roof. He said he was adjusting some lumber that had come loose when he was thrown out the passenger-side window.

Messerly said he climbed an embankment to get back onto the highway to seek help from passing motorists. He said he removed his clothes because he was in shock and wanted to see if he had any internal injuries. Messerly underwent emergency surgery in Reading Hospital and was released three days later.

Messerly is set to be arraigned Friday before District Judge Timothy M. Dougherty in West Reading.

Dumbass of the Day:Dude, Can I Borrow $2 Billion?

Man accused of trying to cash check for $360,000,000,000

07:59 PM CDT on Wednesday, April 30, 2008
From Staff Reports

A man has been accused of attempting to pass a $360 billion check, which he claims was given to him by his girlfriend’s mother to start a record business, Fort Worth police said.

Charles Ray Fuller Charles Ray Fuller, 21, of Crowley, was arrested on April 22 on an accusation of forgery, police said.

Police responded to a report of a man attempting to pass the check about 4 p.m. that day at the Chase bank in the 8600 block of South Hulen Street, Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson said.

The personal check was not made out to Mr. Fuller and when the bank contacted the check owner, the woman said she did not write a check for $360 billion.

Mr. Fuller was also accused of unlawful carrying of a weapon and possession of marijuana, Lt. Henderson said. He may also face a theft charge in Crowley.

Lt. Henderson said he did not know if Mr. Fuller and his girlfriend were still together.

Dumbass of the Day: Hey baby have my Money ready, I'm in a hurry

Attempted robbery in Benzie County lands 2 in jail
Men called ahead and told cashier they were on the way and to have the money ready.
Posted: Thursday, April 28, 2008 at 9:48 a.m.

Investigators say two men walked into a Benzie County gas station with a gun and demanded money.

Police say it happened early this morning at the Shell gas station in Honor. They say the two men had come in earlier and told the cashier they would be back to rob the store later.

The cashier then called 911, and around 3 in the morning, the two suspects came back and robbed the station while holding the clerk at gun point. However, police say they where there and the men where arrested.

Dumbass of the Day-Weight Watcher shoplifts Cupcakes

Weight Watchers demonstrator accused of shoplifting cupcakes at Port St. Lucie Publix
By Will Greenlee (Contact)
Originally published 11:29 a.m., April 18, 2008
Updated 11:29 a.m., April 23, 2008

PORT ST. LUCIE — A woman involved in a Weight Watchers demo at a Publix was arrested after shoplifting cupcakes and other items, according to a police report obtained Friday.

A loss prevention official told police that Kelly L. Barber, 47, was in the store in the 3200 block of Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard Thursday “conducting a demo for Weight Watchers.”

The loss prevention official said she saw Barber “conceal store items” in a blue bin and leave the store without paying for the goods, which included Weight Watchers cupcakes, a book and teeth whitening strips.

“When questioned, Kelly explained she just wanted to whiten her teeth and stated it was stupid she stole the items as she had never done this before,” the report states. “Kelly did not have an explanation for all the other items.”

Barber, of the 1700 block of Southeast Linwood Avenue in Fort Pierce, faces a retail theft charge.

Dumbass of the Day-Man Pumps gas into Imaginary Car

Man Arrested After Pumping Gas Into Imaginary Car
POSTED: 10:38 am EDT April 21, 2008
UPDATED: 3:53 pm EDT April 21, 2008

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- A Frankfort man was arrested on drug trafficking charges early Sunday morning after he was reportedly pumping gas into an imaginary vehicle.

According to the arrest report, Metro Police arrived at a gas station at First and Jefferson streets in Louisville and immediately smelled marijuana coming from Joshua L. Moore, who station clerks contend was filling up an imaginary vehicle.

Officers searched Moore and found "two large baggies" of marijuana and a large amount of Ecstasy. Police said Moore also had a cell phone and a large amount of money, which they said was indicative of trafficking.

Police said that more narcotics were located on Moore when he was being booked into Metro Corrections.

Moore, 25, was charged with three counts of trafficking.

Dumbass of the Day-Um,I Have a Sex Toy...

CNN'S QUEST A VERY 'KNOTTY' BOY
By DAREH GREGORIAN and PHILIP MESSING
April 19, 2008

This is CNN? Kinky!

CNN personality Richard Quest was busted in Central Park early yesterday with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said.

Quest, 46, was arrested at around 3:40 a.m. after a cop spotted him and another man inside the park near 64th Street, a police source said.

The criminal complaint against Quest said the park was closed at the time - something Quest should have known because of all the signs saying "Park Closed 1 a.m. to 6 a.m."

Quest was initially busted for loitering, the source said. Aside from the oddly configured rope, the search also turned up a sex toy inside of his boot, and a small bag of methamphetamine in his left jacket pocket.

It wasn't immediately clear what the rope was for.

The criminal complaint says the officer at the scene was able to ID the drug because of "his prior experience as a police officer in drug arrests, observation of packaging which is characteristic of this type of drug, and defendant's statements that . . . 'I've got some meth in my pocket.' "

He was charged with loitering and criminal possession of a controlled substance. His unusual get-up didn't lead to a lewdness charge because he wasn't exposing himself, the police source said.

Quest's unidentified companion was given a summons for not carrying any identification, the source said.

Quest's lawyer, Alan Abramson, had a much more innocuous version of events.

"Mr. Quest didn't realize that the park had a curfew," Abramson said. He was simply "returning to his hotel with friends."

At a hearing in Manhattan Criminal Court, Quest agreed to undergo six months of drug counseling in return for an "adjournment in contemplation of dismissal," which means the misdemeanor charges against him will be dropped and the case sealed if he stays out of trouble and completes his drug program.

He was released with no bail after spending most of the day behind bars.

Abramson predicted after the hearing that "the case will be dismissed." He declined to answer questions.

Quest, known for his hollering antics and stunts on the cable news network and its international counterpart, declined comment, as did a CNN spokeswoman.

On his official CNN bio, the network calls him "one of the most instantly recognizable members of the CNN team."

"He has become one of the network's highest profile presenters," and his "dynamic and distinctive style has made him a unique figure in the field of business and news broadcasting," the network's Web site says.

He was reportedly once offered a position for the English-language version of the controversial Al Jazeera network, but said he turned it down because being gay and Jewish, he didn't think it would be a good fit.

Dumbass of the Day-Parolee Left Meth At Wally World

Parolee Left Meth At Wal-Mart, Police Say

POSTED: 6:43 pm MST April 20, 2008

LODI, Calif. -- A 54-year-old parolee accidentally left nine baggies of methamphetamine at the counter at Wal-Mart, police said.

Daniel Santos Ramirez was checking out on Sunday when he left his wallet, a pouch containing packaged meth, and $420 at the counter, Officer Dale Eubanks said, reported KCRA-TV in Sacramento, Calif.

The clerk called police with his identification, and officers found out that Ramirez was on parole for drug sales.

Ramirez was arrested at his home later that day.
Police said they found a shotgun and drug-related items at his house.

Ramirez was due to get off parole Wednesday, Eubanks said.
He was booked on various charges.

Hump Day Dumbass of the Day

Bank robber gives teller her name, address
April 14, 2008 - 11:31PM
The Monitor

McALLEN - A woman accused of robbing two banks this month gave investigators a vital clue to her identity Monday, when she passed a threatening note to a teller with her name and address on the back.

Investigators believe Maria Garcia, 33, scrawled the hold-up message on the back of a completed food stamp application moments before entering the Capital One Bank branch in downtown McAllen and making off with an undisclosed amount of cash.

Officers arrested her less than two hours later by tracking her to the address on the form. They also linked her to a similar robbery earlier this month at a Capital One bank in Mission.

Police have not yet disclosed the contents of the note Garcia used to hold up the McAllen bank on Monday. But they said she entered the location, near the intersection of South Main Street and Erie Avenue, just before 10 a.m. without a weapon.

Once the tellers handed over the cash, Garcia stepped outside but didn't get far before an ink pack embedded in the money exploded, McAllen Police Chief Victor Rodriguez said.

Banks often package large amounts of cash with the stain-making devices as a security precaution. Evidence of the exploded pack remained on the bank's outside wall hours after the robbery.

"That stain's going to be with her for a long time," Rodriguez said. "That ink is pretty powerful."

The circumstances of Monday's robbery are similar to the April 1 hold-up in Mission of which Garcia is also accused. In that case, the robber entered the Capital One on South Shary Road, gave the teller a note and fled before police arrived at the scene.

Within a week of that robbery, investigators had tracked the suspect to the San Juan home but were still conducting surveillance on the house at the time of Monday's robbery, Mission police Chief Leo Longoria said.

"Our detectives came over after hearing about the bank robbery in McAllen and sat on the house," he said.

They arrived Monday to find Garcia and an alleged accomplice - Ricardo Cavazos, 32 - trying to remove the license plates of a green Ford Expedition that police identified as their getaway vehicle.

A search of the SUV uncovered ink-stained clothing and money believed to have been taken from the McAllen bank, Longoria said. The money from the Mission robbery had not been recovered as of Monday afternoon.

Officers from Mission, McAllen and San Juan surrounded the home for several hours as family members hovered behind police lines looking alternately concerned and confused.

It wasn't the first time authorities had responded to the house near the intersection of Business 83 and Standard Avenue, said San Juan police investigator Rolando Garcia, who is not related to the accused bank robber.

Police had been called to the residence for child custody disputes and Maria Garcia's mother had filed a report with the department identifying her daughter as mentally challenged.

As of Monday evening, both Maria Garcia and Cavazos remained in the Mission city jail pending an arraignment hearing scheduled for today.

Both were set to face charges of aggravated robbery, a first-degree felony punishable by up to life imprisonment and up to $10,000 in fines.

After they are processed in Mission, they are expected to face charges in McAllen in connection with Monday's robbery.

Dumbass of the Day-Passing Phony Money For Bail

LI Man Accused Of Passing Phony Money -- For Bail

MELVILLE, N.Y. (AP) ― Police say it was no surprise a bogus $50 bill got a Long Island man arrested—he was trying to use it to pay his bail on a traffic charge.
The transaction compounded Cyheam Forney's legal problems and landed him in jail.
Police say they spotted the 31-year-old Forney making an illegal left turn in Melville Thursday and soon discovered his license had been suspended.
Forney was arrested on a misdemeanor suspended license charge—until officers said he proffered the counterfeit currency as bail money. He was being held early Friday on a felony charge of possessing a forged instrument.
No telephone number could be found for Forney at the Wyandanch address police had for him, and they didn't know whether he had a lawyer.

Dumbass of the Day-Groping a Dead Lady

Cops: Boulder man groped deceased's sister at memorial

By Vanessa Miller, Daily Camera
Originally published 12:05 a.m., April 4, 2008Updated 08:48 a.m.

A Boulder man was arrested early Thursday after police said he crashed a memorial service, grabbed the breast of the deceased woman's sister and showed her mother pornographic pictures.
Marlos Hernandez, 31, faces possible charges of unlawful sexual contact, first-degree burglary and harassment after police said he entered a memorial gathering in another unit of his apartment building that had started Wednesday evening and extended past midnight.
When Hernandez upset the mother of the woman who recently died, other grieving guests became upset and a "physical confrontation" ensued outside the apartment complex in the 700 block of Mohawk Drive, according to police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley.
Hernandez was treated and released from Boulder Community Hospital for a cut to the face. He then was taken to Boulder County Jail, where he remained late Thursday on a $20,000 bond, Huntley said.
The deceased woman whose life was being celebrated Wednesday hasn't been identified. Details of her death aren't known.
Her mother, who hosted the memorial gathering, told police she didn't know Hernandez but wasn't suspicious when he came into her home because lots of people she doesn't know have paid their respects, Huntley said.
Upon entering the apartment, Hernandez went first to the kitchen and put his arm around the deceased woman's teenage sister "as if to comfort her," Huntley said.
But the woman told officers it made her uncomfortable.
"Then he reached down and grabbed one of her breasts," Huntley said.
The sister told police she didn't want to start a confrontation, so she left the kitchen. Hernandez then went near a display of pictures and memories of the deceased and pulled out a cell phone, Huntley said.
"She thought he was going to take a picture of the shrine with his cell phone," Huntley said. "But he showed the mother a pornographic picture instead."
That, Huntley said, upset the mother and her guests, who forced Hernandez outside and started fighting with him.
Police were called to the scene about 12:10 a.m., Huntley said.
"Some people had some physical injuries," she said. All of them were minor.

Dumbass of the Day - Crack is Whack

Cops call woman about car; she tries to buy crack

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

LAKE CHARLES, La. - Police in Louisiana are crediting "sheer luck and stupidity" for the arrests of two people on drug charges after officers made a routine phone call.

It all started last week when two police officers pulled over a car for a traffic violation. The driver could not produce identification or a valid driver's licence, so the officers suspected the car was stolen.

They called the registered owner and left a message.

When the owner called back, officers say, she apparently thought the message was from a drug dealer.

She was busted for allegedly trying to buy crack cocaine.

"Officers put in a lot of energy to close a case, so we never mind getting one on sheer luck and stupidity," said Lake Charles police Sgt. Mark Kraus.

He said that after officers Hope Kingery and George Miller left the message with the owner, they determined that the vehicle wasn't stolen and allowed the driver to leave.

About an hour later, Miller got a call on his cellphone from the apparent owner of the car "who stated that she would like to buy $150 in crack," Kraus said.

Miller agreed to a meeting, which led to the arrest of Jill Foreman, 33, and fiance Larry Rieck, 49, both of Sulphur.

Foreman was freed on bail after being booked with conspiracy to distribute a controlled dangerous substance, the sheriff's office said. No phone number was listed for her in Sulphur and the sheriff's office had no lawyer listed Tuesday for either Rieck or Foreman.

Rieck remained in custody Tuesday on the same charge, the sheriff's office said.

Dumbass Of the Day

Police: Mother Duct-Taped Children, Posted Pictures On Web
POSTED: 8:34 am EDT April 1, 2008
UPDATED: 9:00 am EDT April 1, 2008

BELLINGHAM, Mass. -- A mother who duct-taped her children to chairs and then placed their photos on MySpace.com is facing charges of child abuse.

Amber Green, 23, and her live-in fiance, Lee Smith, 29, have been charged by police with two counts of assault and battery.

"The pictures clearly depict that Amber and Lee went to the extreme in wrapping duct tape around the kids,'' Bellingham Oficer David Ayotte wrote in a police report.

Police said Green admitted to taping her 5 and 6-year-old children, they "asked to play with the tape and wanted to be tied up,'' the report said.

The tape was wrapped around the children's stomachs and chest and close to their throats, police said. The pictures show the children upset and crying.

"It is a possibility that the children may have had a difficult time breathing,'' according to the report.

Green posted the photos on MySpace for her friends to see.

They were spotted by a woman who said she saw "disturbing photos of Green's children secured and bound to chairs with duct tape'' and called police.

Both Green and Smith were freed without bail after their court appearance last month. They are due back on court Monday.

DBH's Dumb Ass Of the Day

Man has Sex with Picnic table

An Ohio man is charged with four counts of public indecency after he admitted to having sex with his patio picnic table. Authorities in Huron County, Ohio say 40-year-old Art Price Junior confessed to repeatedly having sex with the table between January and March of this year.

Police in Bellevue, Ohio were tipped off, after someone anonymously taped one of the incidents then gave the recording to police. According to police, Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table both inside and outside his home.

He is free on a $20,000 bond.

I Love this Qoute from Dlisted:
...I will never look at a picnic table the same way again. I always thought they were so innocent and only their to provide wholesome fun. But now I know what brazen hussies they really are...