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Dumbass of the Day-Groping a Dead Lady

Cops: Boulder man groped deceased's sister at memorial

By Vanessa Miller, Daily Camera
Originally published 12:05 a.m., April 4, 2008Updated 08:48 a.m.

A Boulder man was arrested early Thursday after police said he crashed a memorial service, grabbed the breast of the deceased woman's sister and showed her mother pornographic pictures.
Marlos Hernandez, 31, faces possible charges of unlawful sexual contact, first-degree burglary and harassment after police said he entered a memorial gathering in another unit of his apartment building that had started Wednesday evening and extended past midnight.
When Hernandez upset the mother of the woman who recently died, other grieving guests became upset and a "physical confrontation" ensued outside the apartment complex in the 700 block of Mohawk Drive, according to police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley.
Hernandez was treated and released from Boulder Community Hospital for a cut to the face. He then was taken to Boulder County Jail, where he remained late Thursday on a $20,000 bond, Huntley said.
The deceased woman whose life was being celebrated Wednesday hasn't been identified. Details of her death aren't known.
Her mother, who hosted the memorial gathering, told police she didn't know Hernandez but wasn't suspicious when he came into her home because lots of people she doesn't know have paid their respects, Huntley said.
Upon entering the apartment, Hernandez went first to the kitchen and put his arm around the deceased woman's teenage sister "as if to comfort her," Huntley said.
But the woman told officers it made her uncomfortable.
"Then he reached down and grabbed one of her breasts," Huntley said.
The sister told police she didn't want to start a confrontation, so she left the kitchen. Hernandez then went near a display of pictures and memories of the deceased and pulled out a cell phone, Huntley said.
"She thought he was going to take a picture of the shrine with his cell phone," Huntley said. "But he showed the mother a pornographic picture instead."
That, Huntley said, upset the mother and her guests, who forced Hernandez outside and started fighting with him.
Police were called to the scene about 12:10 a.m., Huntley said.
"Some people had some physical injuries," she said. All of them were minor.

Dumbass Of the Week-Involves Crack,Nudity and a Croc

He was naked, on crack and in alligator's mouth

By Amy L. Edwards
The Orlando Sentinel
SCOTT WHEELER / THE LEDGER (POLK COUNTY, FLA.)

ORLANDO, Fla. — Carlos Mayid couldn't see Adrian Apgar being attacked by an alligator early Wednesday, but he could hear him.
With his cellphone in hand and a sheriff's operator on the line, Mayid left his home near Lake Parker, Fla., and walked down his street in the predawn darkness toward the screams of a man who was fighting for his life in the water.

In the recording of a dramatic 911 call released Thursday, Mayid is heard breathing heavily and walking through wet grass as Apgar's repeated cries grow louder. Finally, he got close enough to yell back.
"Hey. What's up? What do you need?" Mayid hollered.
"A gator's got me," Apgar replied, his voice faint in the background.

Mayid's call shortly after 4 a.m. sent four Polk County, Fla., deputies racing to the 2,150-acre lake just outside Lakeland, Fla., where they jumped into the water and wrenched Apgar's arm from the gator's mouth. The 45-year-old victim, who told authorities he'd passed out nude on the shore after smoking crack cocaine, was rushed to a hospital in critical condition.

Later Wednesday, state wildlife authorities trapped and killed a nearly 12-foot-long alligator thought to be the one that attacked Apgar.
Mayid's call was picked up by operator Josh Fulman.
"There's a guy screaming bloody murder over here, 'Help,' in front of the Moose Lodge," Mayid said. He could not be reached Thursday to elaborate on his experience.
"I can hear him from inside my house ... He's screaming, 'Help, help, help, help.' "
A dramatic back-and-forth followed, with Mayid serving as the middleman between victim and operator.

Fulman told Mayid that deputies were on the way, but there was little the two could do. Meanwhile, Apgar kept screaming.
Replying to a plea from Apgar that was inaudible on the tape, Mayid said, "I ain't going over there. I can't go in there anyway. ... I don't know how the hell they're going to get through."
Mayid ended up getting close enough to ask Apgar where the alligator had bitten him, yelling, "Help is on the way, help is on the way."

About five minutes into the nearly eight-minute call, the operator suggested Mayid tell Apgar to punch the alligator. "I don't know if it's true, but if you punch him in the nose ... it may let him go," Fulman said.
Mayid relayed the message and immediately came back with Apgar's response: "Too big."
Said Mayid, "He says he needs a gun."

Polk County deputies arrived about two minutes later and soon reached Apgar in the water. He was slumped over in the alligator's jaws in chest-deep water on the east side of Lake Parker.
After a tug-of-war with the gator, three deputies and their sergeant were able to rescue Apgar and carry him to shore. The rescue took about 20 minutes.

Apgar told the deputies he had been smoking crack cocaine and fell asleep on the shore when the alligator attacked him. The area includes a strip of land with a picnic table.
But local and state officials said Thursday they don't know if Apgar was on the land or already in the water when he was attacked.

Sheriff's officials have said Apgar, 45, suffered a broken right arm. His left arm was nearly severed, and he had bites to his buttocks and leg. He underwent surgery Wednesday afternoon at Lakeland Regional Medical Center.
A hospital spokeswoman said Apgar was alive Thursday, but a family member asked that his specific condition not be released and would not talk to reporters.

Gary Morse, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, said the 11-foot, 9-inch, 600-pound alligator trapped several hours after the attack had been euthanized, a necessary step to protect the public.
The alligator was "much larger" than average, Morse said.

Investigators aren't positive the captured alligator was the one that attacked Apgar, but they think it is the culprit because it is the only gator feeding in that area.

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Stiff of the Week- Grimmy

" Atrocia,you've stolen my heart. Good thing I've got three or four more in the freezer."

Birth Name:
The Grim Reaper

D.O.B:
10,000 yrs ago in Jamaica

Claim(s) to Fame:
Grim is the Grim Reaper, a scythe-wielding skeleton in a black hooded robe. He is over 10,000 years old, speaks in a Jamaican accent, and was elected to his position when he was in middle school. Grim is a relatively carefree figure who particularly enjoys his job, but often appears less than happy with his life with Billy and Mandy. Grim enjoys chaos, despair, torture, and many other dark themes. He attends children martial arts classes. Grim is slowly adapting to modern life, usually seen watching television, eating snacks, and sometimes gardening. His scythe is the source of his powers and possesses many magical qualities, though he is still capable of using magic without it (these instances are rare).
Grimmy's Bio

Dumbass of the Day - Crack is Whack

Cops call woman about car; she tries to buy crack

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

LAKE CHARLES, La. - Police in Louisiana are crediting "sheer luck and stupidity" for the arrests of two people on drug charges after officers made a routine phone call.

It all started last week when two police officers pulled over a car for a traffic violation. The driver could not produce identification or a valid driver's licence, so the officers suspected the car was stolen.

They called the registered owner and left a message.

When the owner called back, officers say, she apparently thought the message was from a drug dealer.

She was busted for allegedly trying to buy crack cocaine.

"Officers put in a lot of energy to close a case, so we never mind getting one on sheer luck and stupidity," said Lake Charles police Sgt. Mark Kraus.

He said that after officers Hope Kingery and George Miller left the message with the owner, they determined that the vehicle wasn't stolen and allowed the driver to leave.

About an hour later, Miller got a call on his cellphone from the apparent owner of the car "who stated that she would like to buy $150 in crack," Kraus said.

Miller agreed to a meeting, which led to the arrest of Jill Foreman, 33, and fiance Larry Rieck, 49, both of Sulphur.

Foreman was freed on bail after being booked with conspiracy to distribute a controlled dangerous substance, the sheriff's office said. No phone number was listed for her in Sulphur and the sheriff's office had no lawyer listed Tuesday for either Rieck or Foreman.

Rieck remained in custody Tuesday on the same charge, the sheriff's office said.

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Hump Day Dumbassary Continues...

Drug arrest follows too many trips to the doughnut box

A Marine Drive man is facing drug charges after he was caught Monday night storing crack cocaine inside an empty doughnut box, police reported.
Bernard Fincher Jr., 25, has been charged with two counts of criminal possession of a controlled substance.
Ferry-Fillmore District police said they were investigating drug activity in the 300 block of Bissell Avenue about 10:55 p.m. when they saw Fincher walk to the doughnut box, pick up a white object and place it in his pocket.
The man then walked a few steps, went back to the box and placed a white object back in the box.
Officers Ralph Skinner and Chad Maloney went over to investigate and discovered more than one-eighth of an ounce of crack cocaine, packaged for sale, inside the doughnut box.
Skinner and Maloney arrested Fincher at the scene.

Naked man arrested after directing traffic in Boise
010:36 PM MDT on Tuesday, April 1, 2008

BOISE -- A Garden City man wanted for attempted kidnapping was later arrested on Fairview Avenue naked.
Lowell Rudlaff, 44, is charged with felony attempted kidnapping and burglary.
According to Boise Police, Rudlaff went to an assisted living facility on North Patton Street Monday morning and claimed he was going to take a male juvenile.
When police were called he left.
Rudlaff was spotted a short time later by drivers as he stood nude at the intersection of Fairview Avenue and Liberty Street directing traffic.
He has not been charged with public nudity, but will be arraigned in a Boise courtroom today on the other charges.

Cruel Craigslist Hoaxers Busted

Burgling Oregon couple's ad triggered ransacking of victim's home
APRIL 1--A week after dozens of people ransacked an Oregon home in response to a Craigslist ad offering its contents for free, police have arrested a couple for orchestrating the online hoax as part of a bid to cover up an earlier burglary at the property. Brandon and Amber Herbert were nabbed last night for allegedly posting the March 22 Craigslist ad, which claimed that the Jacksonville ranch's owner had to leave town so suddenly that his belongings--which included a horse--were available for the taking. The Herberts, investigators charge, did this to cover up their prior theft of several saddles and other items from the garage of the rural southern Oregon house, which is owned by contractor Robert Salisbury. After learning of the Craigslist ad, Salisbury returned to his property to find about 30 people rummaging through his home and remaining belongings. After subpoenaing Craigslist records, Jackson County Sheriff's Office investigators traced the online posting to the Herberts, according to the below probable cause affidavit. As a result, Brandon, 29, and Amber, 28, were both hit with Robbery and Criminal Charges They are pictured in the above mug shots.

No wonder he ran her over, He has the CRAZY EYE!

Forsyth Co. man hits, kills girlfriend with pickup
CUMMING - A Forsyth County man is charged with DUI after running over his girlfriend Sunday, but may face more charges now that she has died. Forsyth County Sheriff's Capt. Frank Huggins said 42-year-old Mark Douglas Jones was in an altercation with 34-year-old Christy Lea Newton when she left and began walking down Shiloh Road."Jones left the house in his Toyota truck," Huggins said. "His truck struck Newton as she walked down the road. She was transported by ambulance to Grady Hospital in Atlanta."Coroner Lauren McDonald said Newton died of extensive internal and external injuries

Dumbass Of the Day

Police: Mother Duct-Taped Children, Posted Pictures On Web
POSTED: 8:34 am EDT April 1, 2008
UPDATED: 9:00 am EDT April 1, 2008

BELLINGHAM, Mass. -- A mother who duct-taped her children to chairs and then placed their photos on MySpace.com is facing charges of child abuse.

Amber Green, 23, and her live-in fiance, Lee Smith, 29, have been charged by police with two counts of assault and battery.

"The pictures clearly depict that Amber and Lee went to the extreme in wrapping duct tape around the kids,'' Bellingham Oficer David Ayotte wrote in a police report.

Police said Green admitted to taping her 5 and 6-year-old children, they "asked to play with the tape and wanted to be tied up,'' the report said.

The tape was wrapped around the children's stomachs and chest and close to their throats, police said. The pictures show the children upset and crying.

"It is a possibility that the children may have had a difficult time breathing,'' according to the report.

Green posted the photos on MySpace for her friends to see.

They were spotted by a woman who said she saw "disturbing photos of Green's children secured and bound to chairs with duct tape'' and called police.

Both Green and Smith were freed without bail after their court appearance last month. They are due back on court Monday.

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Now This Is Scary

Knife, Handcuffs Found Among Kids Suspected In Plot To Hurt Teacher

POSTED: 11:44 am EDT April 1, 2008
UPDATED: 2:11 pm EDT April 1, 2008


WAYCROSS, Ga. -- Nine Ware County third-grade students have been suspended from their Waycross elementary school after being accused of bringing several items to school in order to hurt their teacher.

Waycross Police Chief Tony Tanner on Tuesday released pictures of the evidence, which includes a steak knife, a paperweight, handcuffs, gloves and several rolls of tape.

According to Tanner, the motive for the plot might have been to get revenge on a teacher after she disciplined a girl in her classroom for standing on a chair.

Authorities got word of the alleged plot at Center Elementary School on Friday when another student reported seeing the knife in the possession of another child.

The 8- and 9-year-olds have been accused of being involved in a plan to harm a teacher, but some parents said the plot was much worse. Channel 4 received several e-mails from parents who claimed the students wanted to kill their teacher.

The headline in Monday's Waycross Journal-Herald read murder.

"I have not heard that word used. The principal says they were planning to harm their teacher," said Theresa Martin, of Ware County Schools.

Investigators confirmed the students brought a steak knife, a roll of duct tape, handcuffs, ribbon and a heavy crystal paperweight to school.

Licensed mental health counselor Audrey Dearborn called the allegations against the third-graders alarming.

"Before you would see these types of behavior in high school. Now, we've skipped the middle school and gone right to the third grade," Dearborn said.

Dearborn said a lot of kids view school as an environment where they have to fight to succeed and be treated fairly, but Dearborn said kids need to be taught that the word fight should not be taken literally.

"They have distorted views about how to handle problems in their society," Dearborn said. "They respond the way the cartoon characters do- - they fight with aggression. This is a cry for help. They are saying, 'I am angry. I am hurt and I am striking out. We need to help them."

Tanner said the parents of the children accused are, "Shocked, saddened, and surprised. This is their worst nightmare."

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I think Execution should be used

Cancer patient has PSP stolen en route to chemotherapy treatment
Posted Mar 30th 2008 9:00AM

There's depressing gaming stories, and then there are outright travesties. Unfortunately, this case falls squarely into the latter category, as a 7-year old cancer patient had his beloved PlayStation Portable swiped -- right along with his medical records, a backpack full of medication, his games and even his homework -- while en route to a chemotherapy treatment for a tumor in his brain. Apparently the boy's family had stopped at a restaurant while traveling from Oklahoma to Texas, and while inside, thieves had their way with what was left inside the vehicle. Thankfully, authorities from the Dallas police department came to the rescue by purchasing a brand new PSP and raising over $1,000 to repurchase the goods that were lost, and as for the crooks, we'll just trust karma to handle the rest.

You Know He Asked for it

Man sentenced over wombat rape claim
Posted Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:13pm AEDT
Updated Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:22pm AEDT

A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he had been raped by a wombat and the experience had caused him to start speaking "Australian".

Arthur Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker from Motueka on South Island, rang police on February 11 to say he was being raped by the slow-moving Australian marsupial at his home, The Nelson Mail reported.

He rang back soon afterwards to say he was withdrawing his complaint against the wombat, a court was told.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know," he told police in the second call.

Cradock pleaded guilty to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours community work.

Prosecutors said alcohol played a large part in Cradock's life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.

Um, yeah His ass was drunk, you know it. I bet the Wombat turned him down so of course he called it Rape...Those damn Wombats causing trouble, you all be careful out there.

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